Post # 100+

Man, I am just surprised I remembered my password for this damn thing! Less than two weeks until the official start of college life...

Sink or swim...

UP Manila Schedule - First Semester

MONDAY
8:30AM - 10:00AM (GAB 104 NATURAL SCIENCE)
10:00AM - 11:30AM (RH 301 HISTORY I)
1:00PM - 3:00PM (SSWC PE 1 FPF)

TUESDAY
11:30AM - 1:00PM (GAB 101 COMM I)
2:30PM - 4:00PM (RH 221 SOC SCI I)
4:00PM - 5:30PM (RH 115 MATH I)

WEDNESDAY
NO CLASSES, Sit in in PHILO I or at UST

THURSDAY
8:30AM - 10:00AM (GAB 104 NAT SCI I)
10:00AM - 11:30AM (RH 301 HISTORY I)

FRIDAY
2:30PM - 4:00PM (RH 221 SOC SCI I)
4:00PM - 5:30PM (RH 115 MATH I)

Pic Post

Working on a New Layout

I have a lot of stuff to do at the moment so I can't say much right now except I'm putting this blog on minima template until I finish the new layout I'm working on.

Wow, it's been a LONG while since my last post.

And that's the end of it

"ego defaeco vos ex meus vita"

Girl Problems

Know that I seldom whine or bitch publicly in this blog about any girl problems whatsoever but there's this just one thing that is about to transition from "irritating" to downright "frustrating".

I do believe that it all started last week when things got a bit hectic and busy for me at home, at work, and at school. We had websites to be done, researches that needed researching, two essay orders, and the summer heat that has begun to beat down on meh. So before shit started going to hell real fast, we had plenty of time for daily texting, calling, and talking. I guess she started to think I was mad at her or something when I stopped calling, replied sparingly, and was seldom in a chatty mood. I mean, JEEZ LOUIZ!!! IF YOU HAD TO RESEARCH ON THE GLARINGLY CONFUSING TOPIC OF CHAOS THEORY WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKING NUMEROUS WEB SITES AS WELL AS TWO 800-WORD ESSAYS, THEN I SUPPOSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME OR ENERGY NOW WOULD YOU....???

But I guess it is pretty much my fault...I did feel a bit frustrated with the work load and a lot of anger towards a certain FOREIGN entity that I couldn't afford to offend...so I was a bit "snappish" and to quote her own words, I was a bit "cold"...Damnit...It's just that I'm not a very social creature to begin with. I mean, it's not that I don't feel anything towards those close to me. It's just that I'm not very good at expressing it unless...well, unless nothing actually...

Hraaargh...that's not even the most frustrating part...I acknowledged my negligence, apologized, talked on the phone, texted, talked, but all I get are "whatevers", "bastas", and very often a glaring stare. Hey, I'm TRYING to make an effort...X_X

*sigh*

"Paradrop me in the middle of communist colony or maroon me in Mars. Communicating with the inhabitants over there will be a lot easier than trying to make sense of girlspeak."

Well speaking of girl speak...It turns out they have another term for grabbing a...errrr...I'll blog *that* sordid event in another post...

EDIT:
Mother of Mercy!!! While I was blogging this, she texted me if she could call...I was unable to reply because it was WAAAY too late in the night when I noticed the message. Aurgh...

Sick (Again)

I was absent from school today. The reason is a combination of being too lazy to go to school and a touch of the flu. Enough said...

Anyway, I spent the day reading the news...got bored of that real quick. 50 pumps with 10 pound weights...took a shower...daydreamed about L4D (i<3hunter>

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

:P Gawd my head is killing me...I'm off to the lonely realm of my bedroom... :(

Rosenrot

Man, in the few times I actually bother to blog whatever shit happens in my life at the moment it's either something very boring and insignificant or something very bad. In this case, it's the latter. This time, strangely enough, it isn't about my sordid love life/lust lives nor my future ambitions. The main reason why I'm typing here right now is because there's another uproar in my high school (for just a few more months...!!!). Our dickhead principal out of nowhere backed out of an agreement in authorizing us senior students to have a retreat somewhere in Zambales.

From the intel I've gathered, the Supreme Student Council labored tirelessly to meet the initial demands of our principal. I believe such demands were for them to get the go-ahead from the Division Office, address the cost concerns, and the consent of the parents. I'm not stubborn and I agree that our principal has valid points regarding these but needless to say, the SSG succesfully met all of them.

The Division Superintendent was an okay person I knew personally and she easily agreed to allow us (Good old sport eh?). As for the cost concerns, I don't exactly know how they did it but they managed to get some sponsors and bus transportation enough to accommodate all of us. As for parental consent, that was actually the easy part - the guys and gals allowed come with us and the rest stay home. Easy as...er...EASIER THAN pie.

It seems it would have been clear sailing for them to have some nice retreat somewhere for physical, emotional, and spiritual reflection.

----
[note that i said "them" because there's no chance in hell i will be going to the retreat even if my crush was going there. i have to go to some damned solar boat competition for a chance to win some cash, prestige, and salvage my pathetic physics grades....damnit...]
----

But no...! At the last minute, the bastard backed out! He folded like a goddamned "river boy" [poker guys, you'll get what i mean...]! He went out on his word! Does he have any idea how much sweat and effort was poured into it by the people? All the bastard had to do was to sign a goddamned piece of goddamned paper! Within half an hour after news broke out [courtesy of an exceptionally high-standard teacher...], there was total chaos in the halls of the seniors. Doors were being slammed, chairs being upturned, and the howls of enraged juveniles echoing throughout the building. School authorities responded within limits quickly quelling the growing pendemonioum. Although the seniors were driven to the campus grounds, the discussions continued...there were rumors of boycotts...

That scheistze untermersch better have a goddamned reason for it...and it damn right better be a good one or else there will be absolute hell to pay!

*sigh*

------------

Singing up...

I just signed up in Global Domains International...

*sigh* I hope this isn't a bad investment...I'm starting to think the stock exchange was the *SECURE* option. Securing capital is always a tricky part ever since the merger of my bank account with Bernadette's. Although her banks does have BETTER interest rates than mine, I do not have direct access to my funds...which sorta sucks.

Damnit...only 2 more years until legal age....two miserable years...X_X

The Soldier

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

Alter Bridge - Metalingus

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive

I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain:

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive

deja vu part 1 - In The House

DECEMBER 6, 2008
Today was the most unplanned, spontaneous day of my life.

I woke up all dazed and sweaty to the sound of continious buzzing. I instictively groped for my alarming cellphone. First try, I got the TV remote. Second try, I knocked my phone on the floor. Third try, I practically had to lurch down the floor to kill it. All that was more or less in vain since about 5 minutes after that vain attempt to overcome awakening disorientation, the doorbell was buzzing on and on and on...

Damn...I sort of forgot the Jenevie and Princess were coming over since I offered to help them remix a song for Jenevie's talent show. That was the worst part. Two girls from school seeing me at my "just-woken-up" state was a total nightmare. AAUURGH!!! I turned both of my computers on immediately to entertain (READ: "distract") them while I took a quick shower and a change of clothes. I'm just glad I decided to sleep with my shirt (READ: "clothes") on last night. Yet my misfortune continued to the privacy of the bathroom. The water heater was turned off. Mother of God! I was shivering and squirming about as icy water bombarded me. I don't normally go about punching walls and cracking tiles on the bathroom wall but the pain in my knuckles sure made me think less about the horrid cold.

I got out 100% awake and wearing one of my black pants and a towel across my shoulders. Damn...I checked the drawers in my room and there was nothing but boxer shorts, underwear, socks, a bowie knife, and more pants. My entire upper body wardrobe was out in the garage hanging to dry. In a normal situation, I would be comfortable enough to walk all the way there and get it. However, THIS situation involves two girls I have to pass by before I get there. Then there's the fact that one is a friend and the other is someone I have feelings for. Well, no choice. Thank God both of them were too distracted with the computer! YES!

Anyways, I had a quick breakfast and went straight to business. So I wouldn't feel the annoying hindrance of having someone looking over my shoulder while I work, I turned on the other computer to entertain (READ: "distract") my friends. It was nothing personal. I just don't feel comfortable having someone looking while I try pathetically to master Mixcraft 3, a sound mixing program I downloaded only last night, within two and a half hours.

Aurgh...How does Benny Benassi do it??? How does that bastard manage to mix songs so good??? What effin program does he useth??? It was sooo hard. I had to download a song, convert it to mp3, edit on Nero Wave Editor, listen to it, edit it some more, ask Jenevie to listen to it, make changes, save, put it up on Mixcraft 3, Princess makes a late comment the Jenevie agrees with, open Nero Wave Editor again, revise, save, put it back up on Mixcraft 3, lather, rinse, and repeat. God, and the song itself was JUST 5 minutes long!!! I worked on it for over two hours...GAH...(if anyone wants a copy of it just pm me).

I really want to put here what Jenevie and Princess were doing beside me while I worked but at the risk of getting killed by two angry teenage girls if they read this, I'll abstain from doing so (READ: IM me and I'll tell yah).

I invited them to lunch at my place and they were okay with it. It's been quite a long time since I last spent time with just Jenevie and Princess. The first time I was with just these two was in our 1st year, going to either Powerbooks or 7-11 after class.

Not Done With THIS One Yet

This post is about me and my problems involving people with two Xs, no Ys, and the strange new way I am able to "connect" with them.

I call it trauma. I once devoted my whole heart to a special girl only to have it broken into a thousand pieces. I never did get it back whole....even after getting a girlfriend for the first time or a sweetheart during summer did NOTHING to ease the pain or begin a recovery.

Since I couldn't recover, all that was left was to make do with what I had...

I have a broken heart. I have a lot of pieces. I can't give it to just one person anymore. I can't wholly devote myself to just one woman. So here I am...having numerous empty relationships...except for a few promising ones...I have no idea how I managed it but I don't really care...

It's not of lust.

It's not of some womanizing dream.

It's self-preservation. This way, I won't form any strong emotional attachments that can leave me vulnerable to that kind of pain ever again...

Another Day and Another Night

Yesterday, I woke up the same way I usually do.

With half blindness, nausea, and body aches...

So while I was still waiting for most of my vision to return and for the urge to vomit to lift, I just lay in bed and checked my cellphone for any messages (hopefully, no messages from Kashwak)...sadly there wasn't...

The distinct and annoying ringing of the telephone outside. Aurgh...I was in no mood to drag myself out of bed so I let it be, hoping someone would pick it up. But damnit! I think it already rang about six times when I finally got pissed and dragged myself out my room, down the hall, and answered the goddamned phone.

It turned out to be Jules, one of my comrades. He said he was going to leave at around 2:30PM and he wanted to go out with me and kill some people from Europe and America. Hell, if there was one thing that could get me energized in the morning, then that would be the prospect of gunning down some foreign idiots in Battlefield 2 (check out my rank and stats on http://www.playerstats.ws/bf2statistics2/player.php?pid=153891419).

After catching a very hasty breakfast involving a carrot and an apple (I'm not going to waste precious sembreak time eating!), I met up with him in our usual spot at HackYou. For three straight hours and with nothing but two cans of rootbeer to sustain us, we racked up over 500+ kills in the BF2 map Strike at Karkand.

We finished at around 3:00PM and we were both in deep shit. He was supposed to be at home two hours ago and I was supposed to be in Quiapo RIGHT NOW. We hastily parted ways and I went home to have a shower and check my phone for any messages. I had texted Fia around four times already and still no reply >_<


Hahaha...that was just the day part...the night gets even better...

My Love and Loyalty

I still recall the post, "My Hate", which I made over three years ago. It was practically a list of almost every single thing that pisses me off. What I'm posting now, is a total opposite. Why am I doing this? I dunno...really...perhaps I just want to give my mind and my fingers a work out~~~hehehe...I'll arrange it from increasing to decreasing...

1. I am in love and in total loyalty to P.C.S.A.
2. I love and am loyal to my country.
3. I love myself (bwahaha).
4. I somewhat love and am loyal to my comrades (you know...more than just best friends...)
5. to be continued...
   

Mood Update

I'm so bored tonight.

I want to go out to a bar in Mandaluyong or back to Club Illusion in Makati...

I am SOOOO in the mood for an all night party...

T_T

I have made it through October 12 all right...
I have finally remembered what October 12 means...
It barely involves me and definitely means a lot more to someone else...
But I can't pretend it doesn't hurt for me either...

I don't want to waste blog space explaining or expressing my anguish...let's just say I'm contemplating self-induced amnesia by means of blunt force trauma...

Strength

There's strength...and there's true strength...

It is not just the strength to obey....but the strength to command...

Not just the strength of numbers....but also the strength of brothers...

Not just the strength to lift...but the strength to raise...

It's not just the strength to get yourself over...the strength to get over yourself...

It's more than just physical strength...it is emotional strength...

I Dunno

"Following Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation to any problem is someone screwed up."

Where do I begin? I dunno.

Why do I feel this way? I dunno.

What is the matter with me? I dunno.

I guess the only thing I can do is just type away and then...whatever.

I am a sea of confusion, a whirlwind of frustration, an insignificant speck in the underwear of life, and in other words, an idiot.

Aurgh...Misery, loneliness, anger, and bitterness, I can deal with. I have experienced it enough times that I can actually be content with it.

But lately, things have been happening that seem to make me...happy...and I just don't know what to do. I'm half-expecting that I'd screw it up somehow but it does not seem to be happening at all. I'm caught unprepared since all my plans are for worst-case scenarios and I've been such a fool not to foresee that sometimes, things turn out better than what one would expect.

Am I selfish for not realizing how lucky I am? I dunno.

Am I just too ignorant the good things that are happening? I dunno.

Have I become so used to bitterness that I have forgotten how to enjoy bliss?

I dunno.

HH-088 - My Shortest Profile Ever *Declassified*

JUNE, 2008
When I first met HH-088, she immediately struck me as a person whose primary mode of living was focused externally. Actions suggest she deals with things according to how she feels them and how they fit into her personal value system. She has displayed remarkable memory and excellent intuition which leads me to believe that she may rely on that ability a lot.

July

HH-088 tends to be outgoing, sociable, practical and somewhat disorganized. Field study has shown that she has good reflexive skills to harmonize, entertain, and nurture others around her though the absolute motive and history remains in clout. Duty, personal service, manners and social order are inferred based from the given data. On a personal level, she is very warm, friendly and naturally talented at working with other people. Over the course of her lifetime, it seems very likely that she has or will become a member of volunteer, church, charitable, social and civic organizations. Further study urged...

August
My previous statement has proven indeed correct. Subject has once taken part in a charitable activity and attends religious gatherings on a regular basis. HH-088 appears to take her responsibilities very seriously, and is again very dependable. Notably, she places a very high value on security and stability as evidenced by her dislike for soldiers, politicians, and other high profile personel. Another noticable trait is her strong focus on the details of life and religion. For some reason, she has great dislike when a friend suddenly develops feelings for her. This supports a theory in which she prefers being in control of a relationship or being warned of a courtship from the start. Preference remains unclear and foggy.

September
Further study discouraged...traits begin to crash and collide. Subject dispalys apparent moodiness and change in personality. She has begun to adapt certain traits and expressions which she indoubtably gotten from me. Is she perhaps easily influenced by those around her? Or perhaps I just haven't noticed it before?

September 9, 2008
Study suspended. Intimacy and friendship with said subject has unexpectedly developed. Interactions from now on are purely on a personal basis. Profile will be updated indefinitely.

September 11, 2008
Studies resume...the nature of our relationship is still in question...

Humming To A New Tune

Man, life has like, changed so drastically in just three months. It's almost as if I crossed into some strange alternate universe.

Wherever or whatever I am in, it feels...well...strange.

I feel this strange tingly feeling. Like the weight of the world has suddenly gotten lighter like I don't have a care in the world. For some reason, my grades are getting better too. I'm even having this strange intimacy with this very spectacular woman from school.

What really catches me off guard is that she's actually responding encouragingly to my romances.

I guess I'm just not used to being happy after almost three years of darkness...

Never to late to get used to it though...hehe