I Dunno

"Following Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation to any problem is someone screwed up."

Where do I begin? I dunno.

Why do I feel this way? I dunno.

What is the matter with me? I dunno.

I guess the only thing I can do is just type away and then...whatever.

I am a sea of confusion, a whirlwind of frustration, an insignificant speck in the underwear of life, and in other words, an idiot.

Aurgh...Misery, loneliness, anger, and bitterness, I can deal with. I have experienced it enough times that I can actually be content with it.

But lately, things have been happening that seem to make me...happy...and I just don't know what to do. I'm half-expecting that I'd screw it up somehow but it does not seem to be happening at all. I'm caught unprepared since all my plans are for worst-case scenarios and I've been such a fool not to foresee that sometimes, things turn out better than what one would expect.

Am I selfish for not realizing how lucky I am? I dunno.

Am I just too ignorant the good things that are happening? I dunno.

Have I become so used to bitterness that I have forgotten how to enjoy bliss?

I dunno.

HH-088 - My Shortest Profile Ever *Declassified*

JUNE, 2008
When I first met HH-088, she immediately struck me as a person whose primary mode of living was focused externally. Actions suggest she deals with things according to how she feels them and how they fit into her personal value system. She has displayed remarkable memory and excellent intuition which leads me to believe that she may rely on that ability a lot.


HH-088 tends to be outgoing, sociable, practical and somewhat disorganized. Field study has shown that she has good reflexive skills to harmonize, entertain, and nurture others around her though the absolute motive and history remains in clout. Duty, personal service, manners and social order are inferred based from the given data. On a personal level, she is very warm, friendly and naturally talented at working with other people. Over the course of her lifetime, it seems very likely that she has or will become a member of volunteer, church, charitable, social and civic organizations. Further study urged...

My previous statement has proven indeed correct. Subject has once taken part in a charitable activity and attends religious gatherings on a regular basis. HH-088 appears to take her responsibilities very seriously, and is again very dependable. Notably, she places a very high value on security and stability as evidenced by her dislike for soldiers, politicians, and other high profile personel. Another noticable trait is her strong focus on the details of life and religion. For some reason, she has great dislike when a friend suddenly develops feelings for her. This supports a theory in which she prefers being in control of a relationship or being warned of a courtship from the start. Preference remains unclear and foggy.

Further study discouraged...traits begin to crash and collide. Subject dispalys apparent moodiness and change in personality. She has begun to adapt certain traits and expressions which she indoubtably gotten from me. Is she perhaps easily influenced by those around her? Or perhaps I just haven't noticed it before?

September 9, 2008
Study suspended. Intimacy and friendship with said subject has unexpectedly developed. Interactions from now on are purely on a personal basis. Profile will be updated indefinitely.

September 11, 2008
Studies resume...the nature of our relationship is still in question...

Humming To A New Tune

Man, life has like, changed so drastically in just three months. It's almost as if I crossed into some strange alternate universe.

Wherever or whatever I am in, it feels...well...strange.

I feel this strange tingly feeling. Like the weight of the world has suddenly gotten lighter like I don't have a care in the world. For some reason, my grades are getting better too. I'm even having this strange intimacy with this very spectacular woman from school.

What really catches me off guard is that she's actually responding encouragingly to my romances.

I guess I'm just not used to being happy after almost three years of darkness...

Never to late to get used to it though...hehe