Euphemisms

I've been randomly browsing some entries in Wikipedia and stumbled upon some euphemisms for the word "masturbate". Here are some of the funniest entries:

FOR MEN

• A date with Palmela Handerson
• fire the pump-action snot-gun
• fucking Palm and her five sisters
• impregnate ya'belly-button
• keeping my sausage hostage
• shaking white coconuts from the veiny tree
• stroking Gandalf's beard
• tame the dragon

FOR WOMEN

• buffin' the muffin
• giving the funny bunny a carrot
• feed the other mouth
• plunging the Happy Hole
• tossing the pink salad
• Ya-Yaing the Sisterhood
  

PS
It truly amuses me that some of my classmates think *I'm* sexually impotent or incapable of erection simply because I do not masturbate anymore. Perhaps I should prove them wrong? Haha...